


no matter how far there still is to go (you'll love the ending)

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: brother, let me be your shelter (never leave you all alone) [2]
Category: SKAM (Italy)
Genre: Borderline Personality Disorder, Boy Squad, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friendship, HAVE I MENTIONED HOW MUCH I LOVE THE ITALIAN BOY SQUAD, Hi I relate too much with Marti Rametta, M/M, Nico Deserves Everything, Oops, POV Martino, WELL I WILL SAY IT AGAIN, all of my Italian boys are soft, also the squad goes back to Bracciano, and the boy squad loves Nico just as much, hi i love the Contrabbandieri more than life itself, playing fast and loose with the timeline of Italia Season 3, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21867856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: “Thank you,” Marti says, plopping down on the couch next to Elia.“For what?” Luca asks, raising a clueless eyebrow.“For everything you’re doing for Nico.”“Dude, you don’t need to thank us for that,” Elia says with a scoff. “We’re just being decent people.”Marti thinks about everyone who’s hurt Nico because of his BPD. His parents, in their own way, Maddalena, the kids from his old school, even Marti, to his eternal regret. He’s been hurt so many ways, by so many people, who treated him differently, wrongly, because of his disorder.The boys- they’re not doing that. They’re not even stumbling. They’re doing the best possible things for Nico, without even having to think twice. They’re kind and understanding, just as they have been since that first day, when they went down to Dr. Spera’s office in order to find out more about BPD for Marti, for Nico.“Not a lot of people are,” Marti says, voice betraying some of his own shame, and he catches the way that Elia and Gio exchange a look between them.“Well, he’s our friend,” Gio says, strong and self-assured.(The Contrabbandieri go to Bracciano for Spring Break and Nico has an episode. The boys are as wonderful as always.)
Relationships: Niccolò Fares & Martino Rametta & Giovanni Garau & Elia Santini & Luca Colosio, Niccolò Fares/Martino Rametta
Series: brother, let me be your shelter (never leave you all alone) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1575358
Comments: 10
Kudos: 90





	no matter how far there still is to go (you'll love the ending)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Buon Viaggio" by Cesare Cremonini, which you all know as the song from the morning Bracciano at the beginning of Episode 8 of Season 2, aka the back half of one of my favorite moments in all of Skam, aka the Bracciano weekend.
> 
> Hey, guys! You all know the drill by now- I love the Contrabbandieri more than life itself (almost as much as they love Marti and Nico) and wanted to write for them again. I'm also playing fast and loose with canon timelines- this story takes place during Easter Break, but it's after the first party at Edoardo's but before the second homophobic attack at a later party. Why? Because I wanted it to, that's why, and if that's not how canon goes then, well, oops.
> 
> Hope you enjoy anyway!

_Sweetheart, you look a little tired_

_When did you last eat?_

_Come in and make yourself right at home_

_Stay as long as you need_

_Tell me, is something wrong?_

_If something's wrong you can count on me_

_It's okay if you can't find the words_

_Let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders_

**_-Sleeping At Last,_ Two**

It’s been a few months since Nico and Marti started dating, and it’s Easter break- which, of course, means a trip back to Bracciano for the week, approved by the parents of all involved.

This time, though, Nico is invited along, because he’s pretty much been an official member of the Contrabbandieri since the last time they were in Bracciano, a fact that makes Marti more happy than he can put into words- so he doesn't try, instead just taking the passenger seat in Nico's car while the rest of the boys squeeze into the back.

For their first few days at the lake, things go pretty well.

This time, they’d brought a bit more food with them, with Nico and Marti volunteering to make the trek into town on Wednesday afternoon for restocking, if necessary. Then, with five of them to gather sticks- especially with one of those people being Nico, who goes to the gym three times a week- gathering firewood goes a lot faster than it used to.

Luca tries to go swimming and deeply regrets it, as the water’s still somewhat freezing, and he's teased when he spends an hour bundled up in front of the fire while the other four of them play a game of _Risk_ that Marti wins rather handily, causing the boys to gang up on him for his "Slytherin tendencies," though Nico grins at him even after Marti destroys his chances of winning, even rewarding Marti with a kiss for his win (a kiss that Elia calls "unfair" because Marti's only one with a significant other here, a complaint which only leads Nico to give Marti a second kiss and flip Elia the bird).

They play soccer on the beach, circling through players so that everyone gets a turn being referee as well as playing with each other. Elia and Gio are the best players, though Nico's pretty decent in his own right due to him being the only one of them to go to the gym. When Nico and Marti are refs, they get teased for being “biased,” though they're usually pretty fair with their judgements.

They play plenty of FIFA in the evenings, as well, in between ghost stories, usually helmed by Nico, who has far more talent at ghost story telling than the rest of them.

On Monday night, instead of ghost stories, the five of them make the rather misguided decision to play Truth or Dare, which leads to plenty of shenanigans from daring to people strip to prank calling the girls to some rather embarrassing secrets revealed about people's sex lives (or lack thereof). It all ends when Luca, fully drunk from all of the alcohol they'd all consumed that night, dared Nico to "kiss the most attractive guy in the room," thus giving Nico full reign to make out with a rather willing Marti. Elia and Gio had chucked pillows at the other three and the game had dissolved into a pillow fight that had ended with all five of them on the ground, laughing their asses off.

All in all, things are going good. Marti's boys are happy and he's happy and half a year ago he never could have predicted that he could be this happy and free and open, with his boyfriend and his best friends hanging out together, getting drunk and playing games and being idiots together.

-

It’s only Tuesday when things go a bit shitty.

Marti wakes up in the sleeping bag next to Nico (they’ve been switching off the bed each night, with Nico and Marti Saturday night, Gio the next, Luca Monday, Elia tomorrow, then Nico and Marti again) to find Nico with his face turned away from him, just like that night after he’d pulled Nico down from the balcony. Marti can tell that Nico is awake, from the way that his breathing isn’t slow and asleep but rather somewhat quiet and ragged, clearly awake and a bit distressed.

Marti swallows. Sometimes they spoon to sleep, but last night they’d fallen asleep facing each other, hands and legs tangled up in each other. Waking up to Nico already awake, his face turned away-

Today’s not a good day, Marti knows.

He knows that Nico had been scared of this, that he’d told Marti when they’d been planning this trip that he hoped more than anything else that he wouldn’t have an episode while in Bracciano. Nico, no matter what Marti had said, had been terrified of ruining things for the other boys, of somehow putting a damper on the trip. Marti had been quick to assure him that the boys wouldn’t care, that it wouldn’t matter, but he knows that his assurances hadn’t been enough to put Nico entirely at ease, even if he’d smiled and agreed to come.

“Nico?” Marti asks, careful to keep his voice soft and gentle, so as not to startle or distress his boyfriend any further.

“I…” Nico starts, voice hoarse, and then there’s a small, choked sound escaping his lips before he lapses back into silence.

Marti doesn’t panic. His mind doesn’t race with worry. He and Nico are taking this minute by minute, taking each episode as it comes, taking each worry of Marti's as it comes, being there for each other.

He knows that right now, Nico’s in the more “sluggish” state of an episode, where everything feels heavy and all he wants to do is sleep, tuning out the dark thoughts threatening his brain.

“Do you need to sleep today?” is what Marti asks as he traces a soothing pattern across Nico's back. He knows it won't make much of a difference to the dark thoughts pounding through Nico's head, but hopefully it will help ground him, a little, remind him of how much Marti cares.

( _You are not alone,_ Marti hopes it says.)

Nico's words are clearly taking a lot of effort to get out. "Yes," he says, the word sounding like it took as much effort to get out as it took Atlas to lift the sky.

Marti kisses Nico’s cheek and carefully removes himself from the sleeping bag, trying not to jostle Nico too much. “Alright, then. I'm going to go tell the boys, and then I’ll be back in just a second, and then I can help you get you somehow more comfortable to sleep."

Nico nods, just barely moving his head as he curls further into himself, and Marti's heart aches as he quickly makes his way to the kitchen area, where Elia, Luca, and Gio are standing, quietly making coffee. 

Before he has a chance to speak, though, to let them know what's going on, Marti notices the way that Gio's gaze is fixed on Nico, concern and sympathy clear on his features (though not a hint of pity to be found), a similar expression on Elia's face. Luca is less aware of what's going on, but he still gives Marti a reassuring smile when he steps up to them.

“Hey, what can we do to help?” Gio asks, and Marti smiles a little, relief buoying his chest. He knew the boys wouldn’t judge Nico for his disorder, but it is rather reassuring to find them so eager to help.

“He’s probably just going to want to sleep today,” Marti answers.

“Does he want the bed for the day?" Luca asks, then, without even waiting for a response, runs back into the bedroom.

“Nico obviously gets the bed today and tonight and for however long he needs it,” Elia says, easily giving up his night in the bed that he’d fought so hard for over the past week.

“Really?” Marti asks, raising an eyebrow.

Elia nods, looking at Marti like it’s crazy that he’s even questioning it. “Of course,” he says as Luca emerges from the bedroom, clothes in hand.

"Bed's ready!" he says, smile bright, and Marti looks down at Nico's hair, at the way his shoulders are clenched beneath the sleeping bag, and he gives Luca a grateful smile.

"Thanks," he says, trying to put every ounce of gratitude he feels into his voice, and Luca smiles back.

"No problem," Luca says, "Now get your beautiful boyfriend into the bed."

There is no teasing wink, no innuendo being dropped- not from any of the boys- which Marti is thankful for as he heads back to the sleeping bag.

"Ni," Marti says quietly, "Let's move you to the bed so you can be more comfortable, alright?"

Nico doesn't have much energy, his eyes never widening beyond half-lidded and exhausted as Marti helps him make his way to the bedroom, but he still follows Marti's instructions well, collapsing into the bed without argument.

"Thank you," is all he manages to get out as they slide under the covers, and Marti's chest aches at the clear pain in Nico's voice.

So he lays down next to Nico, curling up with him, and he's content to lay there with Nico, listening as Nico's breathing, thankfully, evens out into sleep. Then he stays there long after Nico falls asleep, curling up with him for a couple of hours, holding onto the boy he loves. Marti has no need to be elsewhere, nor a want to leave his boyfriend's side.

-

When Marti emerges from the bedroom for lunch, he finds the boys quietly playing FIFA on the TV. At first they don't notice Marti and his quiet footsteps down the short hallway, leaving him to observe the scene before him, taking in the fact the boys are having plenty of fun but are clearly taking care to be quiet so as not to disturb Nico. Something fond unfurls in his chest along with a question in his chest.

“You guys are still in here?” Marti asks, brow furrowed, and all three of them look up to him, gazes jerking away from the game.

“Didn’t want to leave Nico,” Gio says, simple as that, and the breath nearly leaves Marti’s lungs. Marti knows that’s why he stayed in, but he hadn’t expected that from his friends. "How is he doing, by the way?"

"As well as he could be," Marti answers, and instantly there are three smiles facing him.

“Thank you,” Marti says, plopping down on the couch next to Elia.

“For what?” Luca asks, raising a clueless eyebrow, and Marti raises an eyebrow.

“For everything you’re doing for Nico.”

“Dude, you don’t need to _thank_ us for that,” Elia says with a scoff. “We’re just being decent people.”

Marti thinks about everyone who’s hurt Nico because of his BPD. His parents, in their own way, Maddalena, his ex-friends from his old school, even Marti, to his eternal regret. He’s been hurt so many ways, by so many people, who treated him differently, wrongly, because of his disorder.

The boys- they’re not doing that. They’re not even stumbling. They’re doing the best possible things for Nico, without even having to think twice. They’re kind and understanding, just as they have been since that first day, when they went down to Dr. Spera’s office in order to find out more about BPD for Marti, for _Nico_.

“Not a lot of people are,” Marti says, voice betraying a little bit of his own shame, and he catches the way that Elia and Gio exchange a look between them, something significant and a little bit pained. They do that a lot, he’s noticed- they’re kind of like the mom friend and dad friend of the group (though either of them would be far better of a parent than his actual father ever was, but that’s a talk for another time).

“Well, he’s our friend,” Gio says, voice as strong and self-assured as it was back in December, here in this same room, when he’d told Marti to invite Nico into the room. How much difference just five months can make- now Gio is calling Nico their friend, considering him as close as he does Elia or Luca.

Looking around the room, Marti finds Elia and Luca nodding along with what Gio is saying, looks of total agreement on their faces.

Marti can’t help but smile at them. He is really fucking lucky to have the friends that he does, and so is Nico.

Nico is not the last man on earth anymore. He never will be. And not just because of Marti- it’s because of the rest of the Contrabbandieri, who are Nico’s friends as much as they are Marti’s. Gio, Elia, Luca- they love Nico as unconditionally as they love Marti, as they love each other.

“So, you wanna play whoever loses this match?” Luca asks, moving the conversation along by switching the topic, and Marti’s smile somehow grows.

"Sure," he says, reaching forward and grabbing a leftover chip before settling back into the sofa cushion next to Elia, who offers him an easy smile.

-

Marti enters the bedroom again that night, a plate of food from the boys' dinner in hand, and Nico’s still curled up on his side, his expression pinched in pain even when asleep. Marti swallows, wishing that there was a way to stop Nico from hurting. Nico’s been taking his pills pretty regularly since Milan, but they can’t prevent everything, and once an episode starts going, there’s not much that anyone can do to stop it. Rather, the best thing to do is to help Nico wait it out, to be there however works best for him.

So Marti sets the plate down on top of his backpack in the corner, in case Nico wakes up, and slips into bed with Nico, gently arranging himself so that he’s spooning Nico, holding him close. Their bodies are pressed up against each other, Marti’s arm wrapped around Nico’s torso, just like Nico usually likes it during his depressive swings. When he's not being hit by the more angry or frustrated portions of an episode, Nico likes to be physically comforted and touched, likes to be held by Marti- a position that Marti has no arguments with. He likes holding Nico as much as he likes being held by Nico.

And he falls asleep, counting Nico's heartbeat along with his own.

-

The next morning, Marti wakes up to Nico curled into him, face unpinched by stress, relaxed in a way he hasn't seen it since Monday. He lets out a sigh of relief- Nico's not in pain, anymore.

At the small noise, Nico opens his eyes. Clearly he wasn't entirely asleep, not from how quickly he reacted, but Marti doesn't much care, instead focusing on the clarity in Nico's eyes, as compared to yesterday.

"Good morning," Marti says, reaching out a hand to briefly caress his boyfriend's cheek before dropping his hand back down to the sheets.

"Ciao," Nico says, voice hoarse from disuse but still plenty content, an abrupt contrast to yesterday's depressive tone.

“You know I love you, right?” Marti says, and it’s the first time that he’s said those words but it doesn’t feel strange for them to exit his lips.

Nico looks up at him in that heady way he always does, looking at Marti with utter love and devotion in his gaze, and there are days when Marti’s not sure what he’s done to earn someone looking at him like that.

"I love you too," he says, easy as that, and gives Marti the smallest of smiles, the kind that remind Marti of just how emotionally vulnerable Nico is with him, remind him of that text that Nico sent that summoned Marti to a balcony in the middle of the night- a text that had admitted to Marti, even back then, just how much Nico felt for him.

When Marti leans down and kisses Nico, Nico smiles into the kiss. He faces Marti just like he did when Marti promised _minuto per minuto_ , with that smile on his lips and relief clear in his eyes.

But then Nico’s face falls again. “I’ve gotta go apologize to the guys,” he says, head falling back on the pillow as a small sigh escapes his lips.

Marti looks at Nico and he doesn’t tell him that his desire to apologize is wrong. He doesn’t tell him that his feelings are wrong. “I think that they’ll be a bit more understanding than you think they are,” he says instead, and Nico raises an eyebrow.

“Really?”

Marti nods. “Elia was actually the one to suggest you get the bed,” he says, “Gio was the one who insisted on us staying nearby to be here for you, and Luca got the bed ready for you, earlier."

Nico's eyes go wide and soft, and his smile is quiet but possibly the brightest and happiest Marti has ever seen him. "Really?"

"Really," Marti says with a smile of his own, leaning in and kissing Nico again.

"Fuck, I'm lucky," Nico says when they both come up for air, Nico's hand loosely held against Marti's face. It's clear that he's still tired, but there's a brightness in his eyes that speaks to his thoughts being clearer that belies said exhaustion and speaks to the end of the episode.

And speaking of the end of the episode-

"We should probably get you some food," Marti says, "If you're up for eating, that is."

Nico glances down to his stomach in an adorable sort of way that Marti can't help but smile fondly at. "I could use a bite or two," he says, and Marti has enough experience with Nico's appetite to take such a statement literally. At the tail end of an episode like this, his appetite is usually rather small, though he'll be back to his usual bottomless-pit-like appetite by the end of the day or tomorrow morning.

"Good," Marti says, peeling himself away from Nico long enough to lean out of bed and grab the plate from last night, biscuits still fine after a night out. He holds it in his lap as Nico sits up slowly, propping himself up against the wall. Marti then hands Nico a biscuit that takes Nico a couple of minutes to make his way through, while Marti eats the other one.

"Feeling better?" Marti asks once Nico's done, and Nico smiles at him, eyes soft.

"Lots."

-

“Sorry about wasting a day, guys,” Nico says when they emerge from the room a few minutes later, apologizing despite Marti's reassurances that the squad won't care.

"No problem, man," Gio says, smiling up at Nico and Marti over his game controller. The three boys are playing yet another round of FIFA, Gio and Elia against each other while Luca sits on the sofa and scribbles away at a maths study sheet that he is the only one of them to actually need to study over break.

Elia hoists his own controller in the air. "Want to play? I really want to see Garau's ass get kicked."

Nico blinks at Elia. "And you really think I'm the man for the job?"

"Even half-asleep you can kick his ass," Elia answers with a nod, and Nico glances back at Marti.

"You _are_ pretty skilled for someone who only started playing this game five months ago," Marti says, easily giving Nico that assurance that Marti knows he craves in the aftermath of an episode. Nico smiles back at him, warm and at ease.

Then Nico and Marti sit on the sofa together, and Marti can't help but be thankful, yet again, for how great his friends are. After what happened at the party a few weeks ago, he and Nico have been rather distant with their interactions in public, not really kissing or being very physically close. But here, with the boys, they're comfortable being themselves, with being in love and obvious about it. They've never been a couple for excessive PDA, but with the Contrabbandieri, they can cuddle with each other with ease and comfort.

Which means that now, in the aftermath of an episode, when Nico most craves physical touch and reassurance, Marti can easily provide it to him without fear of repercussions, the same as Nico holds Marti on the nights when his insomnia gets absolutely horrible, the same as Nico cuddled Marti to sleep on the night his father called and told Marti that he was getting remarried. He can be there for Nico like Nico is for him, without having to think about people's reactions.

"You guys are _actually_ too adorable," Elia says with a scoff as he hands his controller to Nico. "You mind being _not_ so entirely in love with each other? Some of us aren't getting some." When four sets of amused eyes flicker to him, Elia hastily adds: "And by some of us, I mean Luchino and Gio, of course, poor bastards."

Gio snorts as he starts up the game. "Excuse you, _who_ here has a girlfriend?"

"That'd be you, man," Marti answers, free from years of being alone, of feeling apart from his friends because he didn't actually have a girl. He has Nico, now, who is far better than any girl he could have forced himself to be with.

Gio reaches out a hand for Marti to high five, allowing Nico a five second gap to get his ball halfway down the field and into the goal. Luca lets out a whoop as the game beeps and Gio whips back around in time for Elia to give _Nico_ a high-five and a grin. "Told you that you'd get one over on Gio," Elia says smugly, and Nico nods.

"You were right," he says, easily giving Elia the credit. Nico isn't really one to be smug or hold something over someone's head, unless that thing is flirting and he can hold it over Marti's head.

Marti smiles and leans his head on Nico's shoulder, happy to watch as Nico and Gio have a rematch, Luca cheering for Gio and Elia rooting for Nico. Nico is feeling better, and the boys are having fun, and that's all Marti could ask for. He feels like he's surrounded by a bubble of warmth and joy, and there's nothing in the world that could possibly pop it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked! After writing a story about le Gang, I went to write more of my Evaks in Antwerp series but kept returning to the idea of writing more boy squad material as I realized that one of my favorite dynamics in any Evak season is the boy squad's unconditional support of Isak and Even. And, of course, I had to write for my favorite boy squad. 
> 
> If you liked or have any suggestions for a further boy squad story, feel free to comment! Comments are the life blood of the writer, and they often give me new ideas for fics/inspiration to write.


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